Future Self

I am intensely familiar with my Future Self. She is driven, and poised, and always wearing something Blue. She has a career that she loves, and that she worked hard to get. She can bike up mountainsides, she can drop and give twenty. She fits into the size 8 jeans that are sitting at the back of my closet. She is charming, and calm. She does not worry. She does not feel unnecessary guilt. She is happy.

But what about my Present Self?

Present Self is working hard. She has down days. She doesn't like her job, but is making the most of it. She can't exactly give you twenty yet, but she can bike to and from work, which is something. She has dishes to clean, and laundry to do, but she cooked a hell of a meal last weekend for a family she loves. She has a stack of pretty dresses that fit her just fine. She has time. She has love. She is strong. She will be okay.

Our culture sings the praises of the Future Self. We are urged to work harder, jump higher, push farther, win more. (("Gotta do more, Gotta be more" says the Nuwanda in my head)). Future Self will be better, we think. And we resent Present Self for everything she hasn't become yet.

It's good to have goals, and it's good to have plans. It's good to work hard. It's good to know what you want. But Present Self doesn't deserve the resentment, or the frustration. She deserves acknowledgement, and trust. She deserves to have a little faith put into everything she already is.

So I think it's time for me to let Future Self go for a while. Present Self and I have a lot of catching up to do.

Images by Matt Wisniewski.